Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, PED's

[Xzedin]

Where most people would say, 'I don't know where to start'. I would say you're a fucking liar. I've sat through enough circles in Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and Cocaine Anonymous. The only effective group I was apart of was Gambler's Anonymous. Thank god for the efficient disqualification from any gambling activity within my country. I stood on the gambling anonymous board for 5 years.

Here's something they don't tell you, all my travels for gambling fueled my need for cocaine, methamphetamine, amphetamine, MCAT, synthetic weed, only Cognac and 10 Eastern European whores on a couch, 2 Congolese bodyguards with Glock 22's 9x19mm Gen 3 sidearms that I provided. In any country you'd get a death sentence for drugs, the drugs, alcohol and whores were all provided. At 19, I'd owned mansions across Europe and Africa. The difference is, no matter who you are, you can't stop. I haven't touched a single card in a year, I haven't been at a table, I haven't gambled online.

I've done every drug in the book, but I haven't smoked crack. I haven't done heroin. I sure as hell took enough 2MG Alprazolam UK press and 10MG to kill a whole Vietnamese town. I've never injected anything. I did methamphetamine for 4 months, 4 years ago. Never smoked, only snorted. I've been to enough rehabs to know the evil in this world, making prisons look like kindergartens.

I can tell you, cocaine, that grip. It's like a vice grip, squeezing you to death. The most addictive drug isn't meth or any opiate. It's cocaine. America's Coffee. The deep depression after leaving cocaine is so dark, depressing and scary. The only issue is we've entered into a chemical age, cocaine is a social drug. As much as drinking it's difficult to avoid.

14 rehabs, 3 unsuccessful suicide attempts, sexual, emotional and mental abuse.

I can now afford cocaine, likewise my friends. I'd warn against any recreational substances that are utilized in a manner where it isn't recreational, it's almost medical. You need it.

That's my general experience with drugs, alcohol has always existed so I could hopefully blackout from my horrible life choices and my choice to exist and not live.

Most people would say seek help. I can guarantee you won't find solace. Instead, I'd encourage you to seek meaning. Same shit, different toilet.

Don't think too much, it might just kill you.

 

[fantasminha]

A clinic where I'm not treated like trash. A clinic where I'm not treated like trash. A clinic where I won't be treated like trash. A clinic where I won't be treated like trash. I became addicted to cocaine this year after two years of deep depression. This illusion of happiness that cocaine brings has gotten to me. But now I can't go a day without it, and it's never enough. When it runs out, I see the devil. I have nightmares every night. But I can't stop.I tried rehabilitation clinics, psychologists , even black magic. But the thing is, I'm alone. I feel alone. And cocaine keeps me company. It's terrible company. I'm looking for money to pay for a rehab. A clinic where I'm not treated like trash. A clinic where I'm not treated like trash. A clinic where I won't be treated like trash. A clinic where I won't be treated like trash like the one I tried before. And I hope I can get it or I think I should just kill myself so I don't have to live like a zombie as anymore.
I speak 3 languages. Wrote 2 books. I studied electronics. And 1 gram of that shit is more than enough to destroy everything I have.

 

[fantasminha]

I don't know what happened to my text... That this phrase went repeated everywhere I think god is trying to say something to me

 

[Xzedin]

A clinic where I'm not treated like trash. A clinic where I'm not treated like trash. A clinic where I won't be treated like trash. A clinic where I won't be treated like trash. I became addicted to cocaine this year after two years of deep depression. This illusion of happiness that cocaine brings has gotten to me. But now I can't go a day without it, and it's never enough. When it runs out, I see the devil. I have nightmares every night. But I can't stop.I tried rehabilitation clinics, psychologists , even black magic. But the thing is, I'm alone. I feel alone. And cocaine keeps me company. It's terrible company. I'm looking for money to pay for a rehab. A clinic where I'm not treated like trash. A clinic where I'm not treated like trash. A clinic where I won't be treated like trash. A clinic where I won't be treated like trash like the one I tried before. And I hope I can get it or I think I should just kill myself so I don't have to live like a zombie as anymore.
I speak 3 languages. Wrote 2 books. I studied electronics. And 1 gram of that shit is more than enough to destroy everything I have.

Jesus fucking christ, likewise a writer, but as a young man, we've evolved to the chemical age. But if I fucking see an any coke. There is no thought, there is no yes or now. IT'S FUCKING YES OR YES. I've done every drug under the sun but America's Coffee, that addiction is like entering the river styks with no money to pay the toll.

 

[Xzedin]

I don't know what happened to my text... That this phrase went repeated everywhere I think god is trying to say something to me

No need to worry, as long as you're honest and genuine. In my opinion I've been in enough circles to know, that you can't fraud a fraudster. My last NA meeting I left, I went off. I said "For the way you portray you're organization, you are far from organized. If you want to stop being a victim, be FUCKING proactive. I was working 12 hours a day helpdesk Monday to Sunday nightshift. NONE of these people ever had jobs, That's when I remembered, you can either associate yourself with have a drive for success. Or you can be surrounded by people who have no future and no brickhead idea of their future. BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT ONE. No jobs, HIV positive, kids from abandoned fathers. Thats the reality.